Sometimes Current Behaviors Are Remnants of Early Survival Responses

The importance of what feelings are telling us frequently gets overlooked as to their significance in our mental and physical health. When our feelings are freely expressed like when children run about in the playground laughing, chasing and teasing one another, they are free to be themselves. Children have a right to be protected and to experience the hundreds of variations of the eight basic feelings; joy, fear, pain, sadness, lonely, shame, guilt, anger as part of being a healthy child.

The Situation. In this playground scene, there might be a child standing off away from the group. His/her face is filled with fear. Unnoticed by the rest of the children, this child is watching the man outside the fence walking slowly along with his gaze turned towards the children. Or, let us take the child who at the least provocation gets super angry in the classroom. A classmate touches him or looks at this angry child in a way he calls funny that sets off this troubled child. This child goes ballistic. He throws the chairs across the room and dumps over desks with abandon as the teacher and her aids escort the class out into the hall.

The problem. For children who have been abused and grow into adults who remain untreated, they frequently make no connection between present behavior and the early abuse.  The impact of early abusive events typically leaves them unable to just be children free to experience normal feelings, to play, make mistakes, love and forgive, to express themselves fully without hurting others. Adults who have been carrying the impact of abuse can become hyper vigilant, wondering if the next person entering through the door will be an offender. Some might only feel numb because they are so loaded up with unresolved, unexpressed emotions. These survivors may have been told by their offenders that someone would die if they dared to tell someone or screamed or cried. Some only know to express themselves in extreme waves of emotion. To these, it may seem normal because these protective responses have become routine ways of responding. But to others, it comes across as off the charts. To the super angry child, would anyone be suspicious that maybe he had been sexually abused from the age of 5? The dilemma is that these events are not talked about and a connection to the past generally is not considered.

The Challenge. Recent studies indicate that 63% of any group has experienced at least one category of abuse. This is the tip of the iceberg. We all have a stake in helping discover who is carrying unresolved hurts and be willing to listen to their stories to begin or further enhance the healing process. I ask you to consider, if training were available, would you be willing to join this growing movement of being trained as helpers? Even more important, if you suspect you might be carrying some unresolved pains, would you be willing to begin your healing by telling someone safe as to what happened to you?